My Start at the new me

First of all, I just want to say that January is the "month of new". Therefore all my blog posts have and will continue to relate to the topic of "new".  After this month though all the boundaries come down, so to speak, and the topics will vary according to my life, moods and events. SO beware,who knows what will end up on these pages. Scary thought...I know, you should be me ;-)

Now onto today's topic; My start at a new me.  From as long as I can remember, which these days often seems quite limited, I have had New Year goals. I am a goal oriented person, I love lists and I enjoy making lists. I even enjoy finding unique planners, paper  pens and ways to make lists. I can almost spend as much time in an office supply store as I can a shoe store.  Now, that should tell you something, if you know me LOL!

I have made New Years goals and lists for perhaps 40 years. YES, I have made lists since I was a pre-teen. I would like to think my lists and goals have "grown up" as I have matured. I can tell you that my "materials" I use for the lists have gotten more sophisticated at least.  The other thing I remember without doubt is that working on the physical aspect of my life is a consistent component of the New Year's Goals. I was a chubby child; I wish I had a picture I could share with you (sorry- limited scanner knowledge). I was ADORABLE,of course, but pleasantly plump! Just think Shirley Temple in her young cutie pie years and that was me, ringlet curls and all!

I am writing this to give you a picture of me; "the pre-adolescent years". I was never really held back by my weight, nor did it affect my healthy self-esteem established early on by my wonderful parents. However, kids will be kids and kids come up with some pretty catchy nick-names that often stick.  Whoever made up the rhyme; "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was lying!!!!  Words hurt and silly nick-names, no matter how cute they sound or how well they rhyme do hurt.  I still remember my early years' nick-name and I am going to share it with you in an act of faith that it will not be used against me!;-) Ready...drum roll please: "Laura Ellen Watermelon".  Catchy rhyme-YES!, Anatomically accurate-YES!, Hurtful-YES! Like many children I laughed it off and pretended it didn't bother me, but inside I wished that I wasn't so "watermelon" shaped.

Thanks to a rhyming, "cute" nick-name, the number one entry on my New Years Goals was "lose weight"! The 2012 New Me Goals list wasn't much different in this regard. The main difference, as I am MUCH older and hopefully a little wiser, is that shedding a few pounds and getting my body in shape is motivated by a much deeper motivation than ridding myself of a stupid nick-name. In fact, most people who know me today most likely didn't even know my childhood "title"; a secret well kept! WHAT IS READ ON THE BLOG STAYS ON THE BLOG! Just kidding, I can actually laugh at the clever rhyming name and only a twinge of pain arises ;-)

It is now well established that weight has always been an issue with me. I am fortunate that I never got to the obsessive level concerning personal poundage given my OCD personality. Thankfully, I was always too busy being "perfect" at other things. Therefore eating disorders did not become a part of my life and I was always able to keep my weight controlled in the pre-child days. I always say I was born a size 9/10! I was also always active in sports and running through college which helped me maintain an acceptable form. However, 30 years post college and 2 children later, much later- like 24 years since last child, is a different story.

In 2012 pounds are still a lot harder to lose than they are to find! The main difference in my 2012 motivation isn't the same as it was 40 years ago. I am not concerned with nicknames, impressing my peers, and it isn't even really about the wardrobe hanging in my closet longing to be used again. In fact, there is a little ditty that comes to mind that is full of truth and a smile: At age 20 you care what everyone thinks about you, at age 30 you care only what your friends think about you, at age 40 you don't care what anyone thinks about you and at age 50 you realize no one was even thinking about you!!!  That's my paraphrase and perhaps a little tell-tale of my attitudes through out the years!

SO by now IF you are still reading this you are wondering what my motivation is in 2012.  Bottom Line: It is my 2012 verse, Romans 12:1-2 (Message)! I didn't even realize it at the time when God nudged me to this verse that it was going to be so applicable to where He has me already this year. I know, Silly ME! Every year I wonder, "why this verse(s) God, how is this applying to my life?"  Then every year, little by little God gently reveals the all too apparent meaning and need for the verse(s)in my life.

In my self analysis I think I have, "God helping me", offered my life as a living sacrifice to Him over all. However, when I read the Message paraphrase and it states; "Take your everyday ordinary life, your sleeping, EATING, going-to-work  and walking around life and place it before God as an offering..." (Bold Capitals added), I started thinking...Do I give my sleep to God? Yes, most of the time as I pray myself to sleep each night.  Then the verse starts to get a little touchy for me; "Eating life"? OUCH! Honestly, I really don't think I have ever given my eating over to God. Do I thank Him for my food? Yes, at every meal! Do I pray about what I am suppose to put in my body, His Temple? Um, sad to say, no! Do I offer my eating as a sacrifice to Him? Perhaps Bob could say, "yes", early on in our marriage when we may have had a "burnt offering" or two!!! Seriously though, I would have to  ashamedly say I have never offered my eating as an offering to God.

The new me in 2012, as I am studying the Word, praying and practicing the 21-Day Daniel Fast, is now placing my eating before God as an offering. Perhaps I should say, I am attempting to do this.  I have to confess I forgot my purpose on Sunday as I indulged in a homemade Cinnamon roll. It was in my mouth and into my stomach before I ever even thought of God and my offering. Not only did I eat the small center of the baked delicacies, I ate another piece of one before I even felt the first pang of rememberance to my covenant with God.

Here's the Good News...one word = GRACE! Did I confess and apologize to God for my unthoughtful actions? Yes I did and I still felt bad until He reminded my that I am not to live in defeat, but victory and power! Yes, The same victory that was won on the cross for me and you by our Savior! I also have the Resurection Power available to me 24-7-365 through the Holy Spirit. I can move forward in my covenant that I will offer all I am and ALL I do, including what I put into my body, Christ's temple because of Him and through Him. 

Does that mean I will never eat another Cinnamon roll? Of course not, but for right now, for the next 10 days I will eat as Daniel ate. After that I will still strive to eat healthy, live healthy and honor God with my body. WIll I alway get it right? No, unfortunately, but I am determined to try my best in God's strength! We cannot change our past, but it is never too late to change our future by the choices we make today.

I believe John Newton, the author of the words to the familar hymn, "Amazing Grace" and anglican clergyman later in life,  sums up the point I have so "wordfully" attempted to make when he said these concise words: "I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am."

Enjoy the Journey,
Laura