The Beginnng of the End...

Today is January 30th, which has meaning to me for several reasons.  First, it means that I have been off work for almost 4 months from shoulder surgery and a rotator cuff repair. Secondly, it reminds me that I have been embedded in 30 days of The New Year, the New ME! I have also been embarking on a Spiritual Awakening for 16 days, leaving 5 days left in the 21 Day Daniel Fast. Lastly, it signifies the ensuing end of my "Birthday Month" (=...


Today is the day I have to ask myself what have I discovered or rediscovered on my  "NEW" journey so far? In answer to this question I was inspired to do what I do...make a list, of course.

2012 NEW Discoveries (so far)

• I have learned that the saying "no pain-no gain" certainly applies to shoulder surgery and physical therapy. At first I never thought it would feel good again. Today I can say it not only feels good; it feels GREAT. Thanks to an amazing Doctor, fantastic Physical Therapist and Assistants, and a determination to work through the pain to obtain healing. This past Thursday I was officially "released" by my surgeon, with the comment; "I wish all  my patients were like you! You are my star patient." Now that makes a person feel good!!  OK...you had to see this coming; I couldn't help but see the applicable analogy of the "No Pain -No Gain" cliche to my "NEW ME" goals. I have experienced some hunger pains-none that I couldn't surely survive! I have encountered some pangs of guilt and pain as I have reneged on  my own covenant during my Awakening study.  Really, anything worth attempting in life is worth a little pain and some "suffering". I even hate to use that word, because in reality most of us do not "Suffer" much in this country compared to the hunger and difficult life that so many others encounter everyday of their lives around the globe. NO PAIN-NO GAIN; yes I have accepted that giving up some sugar, some bad food habits, some erroneous thinking and some complacency may cause some pain, but in the long term and in light of the Cross it isn't really anything to complain about at all!
• I have learned or more accurately-been reminded that I am an "ALL or nothing" person.  I have to do everything 100%, both feet in,  actually not just feet but in over my head, in order to succeed.  I was reminded after the "Cinnamon Roll Infraction" (see previous blog) that I must be totally disciplined or I fall. I can't have the "this one time" mind-set or if I change 80% of my life it will be enough. That just doesn't work for me, for so many reasons. My OCD for one thing doesn't let me do anything "half-way". My personality is driven and I can't run from it. God reminded me that I promised that to Him concerning my faith a long time ago. I was 18, in my second semester of college and loving the new-found freedom of being "on my own".  I did sow some wild oats as the saying goes, but not for long.  I know it was because of a praying Mother and Grandmother, along with my up-bringing that I couldn't do anything wrong without feeling an overwhelming wave of guilt.  I tried more than once to do things that I hadn't really ever done before, thinking that the nagging spirit that was consuming me would soon give up on me and be quiet!!! That was SO not true.  Not only did it not become silenced, it became unbearably LOUDER!  I felt like a hypocrite, a failure and VERY MISERABLE.  Finally, out of sheer frustration I yelled back at God (yes, I did and He is big enough to take it.) saying; "OK, if you are really there, if you are real, prove it to me and I will serve you for the rest of my life-110%, all of me and then some!" Long story short: He has proven himself over and over, and over and over... Recently however, I had gotten complacent. I needed to be reminded that I am an all or nothing person.  I needed to press the reset button on my faith.  God was there patiently waiting for me to get with it!  Every once in awhile we need to press the "reset" button and allow God to do something NEW in our lives.
• Which brings me to this next lesson relearned; God wants to do something NEW in our lives. He is not the one who is aloof or at a distance. He is not the one who looses His Zeal. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  Isaiah 43:18-19 (Message) says; "Forget about what's happened; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it? There it is! I'm making a road through the desert, rivers in the badlands."  This scripture reminded me once again this week that God is doing something new!  This is a promise, and God always keeps His promises. The burden of proof here is NOT on God, HE says He IS doing the new thing.  It is totally up to us as to whether or not we will see it! The verse says; "Don't you see it? There it is!" He is always making a way for us through our trials, our dark places, our dry places, our rough and tough places.  He is always providing sustaining water for our every-day lives, our ordinary drought-filled lives.  He wants us to be present in our own lives; to be alert, awake in our relationship with Him, alive in our faith!
• Next lesson relearned (evidently I have serious memory issues ;-), God is God and I am not! Profound, I know...mind like a steal trap!!! Sometimes I wonder how long it will take me to really "Get it!"  I need God everyday, in everything, in every way! Why do I think I can do anything in my own strength? All that I am or ever hope to be is and will only be accomplished in Christ. Zechariah 4:6 (CEV) says; "I am the LORD All-Powerful. So don't depend on your own power or strength, but on my Spirit."   He is God, I AM NOT! I need the Holy Spirit to guide me and empower me with the resurrection power of Jesus Christ. With that power and in that power alone can I live out my faith with abundant joy and  purpose. When we depend upon ourselves we get what we can do, when we depend on prayer we get what God can do. Simple yes, but yet somehow I make it complicated! This leads me into my last New Discovery that I have realized once again in the past 30 days.
•  Prayer matters, prayer works and prayer is more than me reciting my list of what I want God to do in my life and in the life of those whom I am praying for. I hear the collective, "DUH!" ringing in my ears.  Before you get too sanctimonious on me ;-), hear me out. In the past 30 days God has ever so gently reminded me that prayer with Him is not an activity, but a relationship. He wants me to be still in His presence, just hanging out, sometimes quiet, sometimes praising and worshiping, sometimes praying the Word, other times journaling my prayers. Prayer equates being in Him 24-7-365. As Paul says, "Pray without ceasing". Prayer is constant communion with my LORD. Prayer is spending time with God as I wait for His answer, as He prepares my heart, mind and spirit for that answer-His will.  Watchman Nee says this; "Our prayers lay the track down on which God's power can come. Like a mighty locomotive, his power is irresistible, but it cannot reach us without rails."  It takes time to lay a railroad track, it takes effort, it is work. Just like any worthwhile relationship takes time, effort and work; so does our relationship with our Heavenly Father. That comes through prayer, spending time in the Word, being teachable and being available.

The last 30 days truly has been the month of "new" for me.  I have a better understanding of the word re-NEW-al.  The dictionary definition is: 1: the act or process of renewing:. 2: the quality or state of being renewed.   The definition of renew, the root word of renewal explains very well what is taking place in my life:

1. return to doing something: to begin something or doing something again, or be begun again
2. extend something: to make something such as a contract, lease, or license effective for a longer period, or be made effective for a longer period
3. replace something worn: to replace something that is worn, broken, or no longer suitable for use

I certainly have begun again to focus on my spiritual and physical condition with new enthusiasm and renewed intensity.  Undoubtedly, I have extended my covenant with God to be all that He wants me to be; to be holy because He is holy, to be molded by the Master Potter into someone that is more effective for His Kingdom and His glory.  Equally importantly to me, God  has replaced my worn and tired spirit with the rekindling of the fire within my soul,. My faith is recharged, my spirit is revived, my body is well on it's way to repair and refreshment.  I am so thankful that God is always ready and waiting for us to enter into His presence, and meet us right where we are. I  am equally thankful that He love us way too much to leave us where He finds us!

Enjoy the Journey,

Laura

My Start at the new me

First of all, I just want to say that January is the "month of new". Therefore all my blog posts have and will continue to relate to the topic of "new".  After this month though all the boundaries come down, so to speak, and the topics will vary according to my life, moods and events. SO beware,who knows what will end up on these pages. Scary thought...I know, you should be me ;-)

Now onto today's topic; My start at a new me.  From as long as I can remember, which these days often seems quite limited, I have had New Year goals. I am a goal oriented person, I love lists and I enjoy making lists. I even enjoy finding unique planners, paper  pens and ways to make lists. I can almost spend as much time in an office supply store as I can a shoe store.  Now, that should tell you something, if you know me LOL!

I have made New Years goals and lists for perhaps 40 years. YES, I have made lists since I was a pre-teen. I would like to think my lists and goals have "grown up" as I have matured. I can tell you that my "materials" I use for the lists have gotten more sophisticated at least.  The other thing I remember without doubt is that working on the physical aspect of my life is a consistent component of the New Year's Goals. I was a chubby child; I wish I had a picture I could share with you (sorry- limited scanner knowledge). I was ADORABLE,of course, but pleasantly plump! Just think Shirley Temple in her young cutie pie years and that was me, ringlet curls and all!

I am writing this to give you a picture of me; "the pre-adolescent years". I was never really held back by my weight, nor did it affect my healthy self-esteem established early on by my wonderful parents. However, kids will be kids and kids come up with some pretty catchy nick-names that often stick.  Whoever made up the rhyme; "Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" was lying!!!!  Words hurt and silly nick-names, no matter how cute they sound or how well they rhyme do hurt.  I still remember my early years' nick-name and I am going to share it with you in an act of faith that it will not be used against me!;-) Ready...drum roll please: "Laura Ellen Watermelon".  Catchy rhyme-YES!, Anatomically accurate-YES!, Hurtful-YES! Like many children I laughed it off and pretended it didn't bother me, but inside I wished that I wasn't so "watermelon" shaped.

Thanks to a rhyming, "cute" nick-name, the number one entry on my New Years Goals was "lose weight"! The 2012 New Me Goals list wasn't much different in this regard. The main difference, as I am MUCH older and hopefully a little wiser, is that shedding a few pounds and getting my body in shape is motivated by a much deeper motivation than ridding myself of a stupid nick-name. In fact, most people who know me today most likely didn't even know my childhood "title"; a secret well kept! WHAT IS READ ON THE BLOG STAYS ON THE BLOG! Just kidding, I can actually laugh at the clever rhyming name and only a twinge of pain arises ;-)

It is now well established that weight has always been an issue with me. I am fortunate that I never got to the obsessive level concerning personal poundage given my OCD personality. Thankfully, I was always too busy being "perfect" at other things. Therefore eating disorders did not become a part of my life and I was always able to keep my weight controlled in the pre-child days. I always say I was born a size 9/10! I was also always active in sports and running through college which helped me maintain an acceptable form. However, 30 years post college and 2 children later, much later- like 24 years since last child, is a different story.

In 2012 pounds are still a lot harder to lose than they are to find! The main difference in my 2012 motivation isn't the same as it was 40 years ago. I am not concerned with nicknames, impressing my peers, and it isn't even really about the wardrobe hanging in my closet longing to be used again. In fact, there is a little ditty that comes to mind that is full of truth and a smile: At age 20 you care what everyone thinks about you, at age 30 you care only what your friends think about you, at age 40 you don't care what anyone thinks about you and at age 50 you realize no one was even thinking about you!!!  That's my paraphrase and perhaps a little tell-tale of my attitudes through out the years!

SO by now IF you are still reading this you are wondering what my motivation is in 2012.  Bottom Line: It is my 2012 verse, Romans 12:1-2 (Message)! I didn't even realize it at the time when God nudged me to this verse that it was going to be so applicable to where He has me already this year. I know, Silly ME! Every year I wonder, "why this verse(s) God, how is this applying to my life?"  Then every year, little by little God gently reveals the all too apparent meaning and need for the verse(s)in my life.

In my self analysis I think I have, "God helping me", offered my life as a living sacrifice to Him over all. However, when I read the Message paraphrase and it states; "Take your everyday ordinary life, your sleeping, EATING, going-to-work  and walking around life and place it before God as an offering..." (Bold Capitals added), I started thinking...Do I give my sleep to God? Yes, most of the time as I pray myself to sleep each night.  Then the verse starts to get a little touchy for me; "Eating life"? OUCH! Honestly, I really don't think I have ever given my eating over to God. Do I thank Him for my food? Yes, at every meal! Do I pray about what I am suppose to put in my body, His Temple? Um, sad to say, no! Do I offer my eating as a sacrifice to Him? Perhaps Bob could say, "yes", early on in our marriage when we may have had a "burnt offering" or two!!! Seriously though, I would have to  ashamedly say I have never offered my eating as an offering to God.

The new me in 2012, as I am studying the Word, praying and practicing the 21-Day Daniel Fast, is now placing my eating before God as an offering. Perhaps I should say, I am attempting to do this.  I have to confess I forgot my purpose on Sunday as I indulged in a homemade Cinnamon roll. It was in my mouth and into my stomach before I ever even thought of God and my offering. Not only did I eat the small center of the baked delicacies, I ate another piece of one before I even felt the first pang of rememberance to my covenant with God.

Here's the Good News...one word = GRACE! Did I confess and apologize to God for my unthoughtful actions? Yes I did and I still felt bad until He reminded my that I am not to live in defeat, but victory and power! Yes, The same victory that was won on the cross for me and you by our Savior! I also have the Resurection Power available to me 24-7-365 through the Holy Spirit. I can move forward in my covenant that I will offer all I am and ALL I do, including what I put into my body, Christ's temple because of Him and through Him. 

Does that mean I will never eat another Cinnamon roll? Of course not, but for right now, for the next 10 days I will eat as Daniel ate. After that I will still strive to eat healthy, live healthy and honor God with my body. WIll I alway get it right? No, unfortunately, but I am determined to try my best in God's strength! We cannot change our past, but it is never too late to change our future by the choices we make today.

I believe John Newton, the author of the words to the familar hymn, "Amazing Grace" and anglican clergyman later in life,  sums up the point I have so "wordfully" attempted to make when he said these concise words: "I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world; but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am."

Enjoy the Journey,
Laura

The love of new things

I really do love new things! They don't have to be expensive or exotic. They don't have to be big and beautiful.  They don't even need to be desirable and decadent.  Really...all they have to be is "new" to me.  I can receive a small bouquet of flowers from one of my husband's funeral services he has preformed, where the family has graciously suggested he take one. Don't judge him (or me); we have saved those flowers from certain premature death! They would just end up in the most unforgiving and unappreciative funeral home trash bin. How sad would that be; God's beautiful creation gone before their time!

Someone could give me the gift of a cup of coffee, or share a  piece of chocolate with me and I would be excited at their thoughtfulness. I can get a new pen or sticky note pad, all the while eagerly anticipating their first use! I am not really as sophisticated as some may think I am. It is true that I do enjoy nice clothes, shoes, purses, accessories of any kind! However, a small gesture of  "newness" goes a long way with me. Just the anticipation of a gift, a treat, a card can cause great excitement for me.  Don't even get me started on NEW YARN...

Perhaps that is why I enjoy the approach of my birthday and  proclaim a "month long" celebration...it is another year of life to be celebrated. Another chance to thank God for what He has brought me through, taught me and allowed me to experience.  I can't begrudge the onslaught of years, as they come to the best of us! I am thankful to be another year older, another year closer to having a son-in-law & daughter-in-law, another year closer to grand-children, to retirement, and on the list could go.

I also always look forward to the New Year for the same reasons I anticipate my birthday.  However, I must take it a step further.  The New Year brings with it the anticipation of a "do-over", another chance to get it right, or "MORE" right.  The excitement of a new calender year filled with opportunity and excitement or perhaps just the every-day responsibilities of life, love and faith.  I can start again to lose weight, exercise more, eat healthier for the 40th year in a row; a chance to "REALLY" do it this time. ;-)

You see the New Year brings me hope. I have a chance to do things better, to work on important relationships more gently and diligently. 2012 is another opportunity to live out my faith more radically and influentially. This year opens the inner door of my soul, so that I can stoke the fire of my faith just a bit more consistently. The hope in the "newness" of the year brings to mind the Scripture in 2 Corinthians 5: (click on this Link to read the entire Chapter)  http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2 Corinthians+5&version=MSG

2 Corinthians 5: 14-19 (The Message) says; "Our firm decision is to work from this focused center: One man died for everyone. That puts everyone in the same boat. He included everyone in his death so that everyone could also be included in his life, a resurrection life, a far better life than people ever lived on their own. Because of this decision we don't evaluate people by what they have or how they look. We looked at the Messiah that way once and got it all wrong, as you know. We certainly don't look at him that way anymore. Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life begins! Look at it! All this comes from the God who settled the relationship between us and him, and then called us to settle our relationships with each other. God put the world square with himself through the Messiah, giving the world a fresh start by offering forgiveness of sins."

"A fresh start'... that's what I am talking about!  That is what another new year of life brings on each of our birthdays. A fresh start is what the New Year rings in once that ball falls and the clock reaches Midnight. As the scripture says; "the old life is gone; a new life begins!!" How exciting is that?!?!  In Christ we get a "do-over". There are not that many times in life we get true "do-overs". Some choices, decisions, words that are said in anger or bitterness can never be "re-done" or taken back. However, we get a chance to seek a "fresh start" in Christ as this New Year begins.  We have a chance to forgive and be forgiven; an opportunity to get it right or make it right, a chance to to really seek, surrender and serve Christ with ALL that we are.

That's why I love "new".  Just the word itself is fun for me ( I know I am crazy)! So I say with excitment; Happy NEW Year, Happy NEW You!

Enjoy the journey,
Laura

New Year New Me; Fifty is the new 40

Today I am a year older than I was last week. Yesterday I celebrated my  "BIG FIVE-O" birthday, which I  have to say was extremely enjoyable.  As far as I am concerned (I guess that goes without saying since this is  my blog), I spent the day in a perfect way, starting with attending Worship with my children (Courtney included-Phillip's girlfriend), then we had lunch together at one of my favorite local restaurants. To finish the day we watched the Steeler's game as a family. Of course, Bob was rooting for Tim Tebow and the Broncos. The rest of us were cheering on our team-The Steelers!!! It would have been a great final birthday present of the day if  MY team would have won! Although, I have to say loosing to the Broncos was less painful than most other teams! I am a closet Tim Tebow fan! SO, now I am on the Bronco's Band Wagon!

Speaking of Tim Tebow; you have to love a person who has a great faith in Jesus Christ, lives out his convictions on and off the playing field and who is not afraid to speak out for his Savior or take criticism for his beliefs.  I have been thinking a lot about this young man lately. He is the type of role model we need in today's society for young and old alike.  In fact, I think we all could take a life-lesson on our Faith Journey for 2012. 

Christ has called us to let our light shine (Matthew 5:14-15) in all we do. The World tells us that it is not "politically correct" to speak of our faith to others who might be offended. However, Christ tells us that we are the light of the world! We are not to let our light shine in secret, under a bushel, bowl or bag it up for when it is "appropriate", "easy" or "convenient" for us to Shine.  No, we are to let our light shine in all we do, all we say, and all that we are.  That pretty much spells out why I am on Tim Tebow's wagon. Not only am I watching him, cheering him on, but more importantly. I am praying for him.

The World is watching him, waiting to see what he does, what he says, how he behaves. You and I may never have a "world" audience, but we do have an opportunity to pray for this young man to be fruitful in his faith,  God-directed in his decisions, and steadfast in his steps. The World is watching the young man with the record breaking playoff yardage of 316, and average pass yardage of 31.6.  Coincidence? Not if you believe in the sovereignty of God.  Too bad Tim's name isn't John ;-).  Even so, God can use these numbers and this young man named Tim to spread His gospel of John 3:16!  How? Because the World is watching, the Press is Proclaiming His message just by telling the Tim Tebow story. The Media is perpetuating the Good News of Jesus Christ , whether they want to or not, just by reporting the Tim Tebow news. Isn't it just like God to use a source to spread His message of love and restoration through a vehicle that has so often rejected His message! You have to love the irony of this!

Speaking of irony...I am proclaiming that "50 IS the NEW 40" :-D!  I really don't understand why people get all wigged out about birthdays and age. First of all, I love birthdays. In fact, I personally have a birthday month. I have done this for years. At the risk of sounding narsasistic, I enjoy celebrating ME. I have worked hard for the years that I have arrived at. I am proud of the goals I have achieved in my life. I am grateful for the grace God has extended to me and for all that he has enabled me  to overcome in my life, mostly self-inflicted, to be brutally honest!

I have recently been told that, "I am a legend in my own mind" (thank you sister ;-). In reality, I guess there is some truth in that. God has blessed me with a healthy self-esteem. My Mother often conveyed to me to think positively and rebuke all negative "self-talk". I don't know about you, but much of my self-talk attempts to be distructive! Especially, when I look in the miror my self-talk sound something like this; "You need to loose some weight, can't you do something with that hair, maybe you should get that "thing" removed from your forehead ( a teeneage popcorn incident-story for another time), do you really want to wear that today...blah, blah, blah and on it could go! However, thanks to my Mom and to God, I rebuke that negative thought and "self-talk" and turn it into a postive. 2 Corinthians 10:4-6 is the Bibilical proof that good self-talk is ordained by God.  Christ is not glorified by negative self-talk, instead we have to reign our thoughts into the obedience of Christ. Phillipians 4:8 reminds us to think on what is true, good, worthy of praise.

Well it is very true that I need to loose wieght, dwelling on the negativity is not going to help me to become motivated to actually DO something about it.  I must turn the negative thought into positive action. With the help of Christ I will be able to focus on what I need to do to bring my actions, thoughts and what I put into my body under the obedience of Christ. If I do that in all my activites, it puts a wonderfully new motivational angle on difficult activities for me.  Which brings me to my 2012 verse; Romans 12: 1-2 (The Message):
"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the bestst out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."

I know this was a long blog today. God bless you if you have stayed with me to the bitter end. You are a true friend ;-).  I hope  my  somewhat random journaling thoughts have challenged you today, made you smile or got you thinking.  Have a great week!

Enjoy the Journey,
Laura

New Year New Me

I have determined in 2012 to make some changes to my life. Of course, along with 90% of the rest of the population of the USA, I am determined to loose weight. I am aiming for  20 pounds and/or to get back into the majority of my exstensive wardrobe that I love! Really the clothes thing is my main motivation. However, as I appraoch the BIG FIVE "O" in 7 days, my health is an under-lining motivation too.

I also want to be more dedicated to my creative side; my writing, knitting,  and card making. My writing will come forth through this blog. I will attempt to write at least once a week. I also would like to begin writing a book. God has given me some good starting points, I just have to get my thoughts together and DO IT! Even if I have to edit and reedit, it will at least be a start.

My knitting already comsumes much of my life. I have declared 2012 The Year of the UFO. For those of you who do not knit, I am NOT talking about aliens. I am affectionately referring to my Un-Finished Objects, to which I have way too MANY!  I plan on catagorizing my "needy" projects and finishing them one by one!!! I am determined to only start a new project when I have finished an unfinished one. You may find this counter-productive, but I need some kind of motivation and reward system. SO, for me finishing one and then rewarding myself with the permission of starting a new knit is the only way I will survive 2012!!!! I NEED new stimulation; colors, different fibers, different patterns and stitches...it is a knitter thing. Therefore if you DO NOT understand, you must not be a knitter. That IS ok, just don't judge me ;-)

Creating handmade cards was another one of my obsession. I have ALL the materials, stamps, ink pads, papers, and muti-purpose "do dads" to make any card for any ocassion! I am DETERMINED to not buy a card in 2012. Instead, I will allow my creative juices to move me to my craft room (YES, I have an entire room dedicated to my craftiness) and motivate me to make a card for all birthdays, anniversaries, thank you cards and any other speial occasion that may arrive in 2012.

Well, I think that sums up my "New Me" goals. I am deliberatly not calling them Resolutions, because that sounds so sterile, so non-emotional, non-commital (for me) since I make resolutions and break them as quicly as they are made.  Discovering a New Me sounds much more fun, more engageing, more possible!  So here I go...another journey, adventure, a Life Safari and I can't wait to keep you posted on my progress!

So stay tuned, perhaps soon I will list all my UFO's and you can sit back and analyze my OCD. I am ok with that, it will probably make you feel so much more "normal" than me!

Happy New Year! Happy New Me!!!!